Every blog I’ve ever started has died.
Every website. Every fitness regimen. Every scheduling scheme.
This time I’m going to keep it alive. I don’t care if nobody but me ever reads a single word here. I’m doing it for myself. I need to prove to myself that I can.
If you are reading this, however: welcome! It’s for you, too, if you want it to be.
I do wonder what’s different this time. It feels different, sure, but can I explain it?
My problem is that my standards are too high. I’m worried too much about what you think of me. Are my articles getting any traffic? Do they sound stupid?
Anymore, I don’t give a shit. I’ve danced this dance enough times by now that it holds no more drama for me.
I’m 32 years old. As old as I’ve ever been in my life. So here’s where I’m at: I think that everyone who struggles with discipline and energy and meaning reaches a point in their life where they either shit or get off the pot.
I’ve been a ghost in my own life. But a ghost with the power to Lazarate myself. If I don’t do it now, when’s it gonna happen?
Alright then, it feels different this time. What am I going to do different?
Well, I can’t get obsessed with my analytics if I don’t have any analytics. So that’s out.
I’m already thinking about reposting this on Medium or some other platform where someone will stumble into it. (It’s almost guaranteed that one person will randonmly do so.)
If I really want to preserve the possibility (call it the illusion) that nobody will ever read this but me, then platforms are out.
(Yes, I’m still putting it on the web. This is a blog, not a journal. And I think my ideas are worth something, so who am I to withhold them from you?)
I’m not telling anyone in my physical or digital worlds about this thing. Too often I’ve gotten excited at the beginning of a project, only to spew a bunch of garbage about it to other people and leak out all the magic.
This is between me, the Muse, and the god of the Internet.
I’m not setting any posting goals. I don’t need goals. What I need is to do the work. Work for work’s sake is fun. Work for a goal’s sake is work.
It’s time to have fun again.
If you found this and read it all the way down here, congrats! You are quite possibly the first non-me person who ever did so. Let’s be friends! Write me a letter?